Manager's Briefcase
Giving and Receiving Feedback - Chapter 7
Chapter: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
©2005 by Pamela Lizardi, M.Ed.
May be used as is or with alterations if proper credit is given to the author.

Editor’s note: This issue continues the seventh of eight installments of Pam’s materials. If you need the next installment sooner than the next issue, please feel free to email us with your request. If you need to catch up, please read previous chapters using the links above..

Chapter Seven - Handling Difficult Feedback Situations

Chapter Objectives

• Recognize some typical situations in which giving and receiving feedback may be difficult.
• Use the basic steps for effectively giving and receiving feedback to handle difficult situations.

Let's face it, some feedback situations can be especially difficult. Providing redirection to someone with a “difficult” personality or accepting redirection from someone who speaks in vague generalities can leave you feeling frustrated and demoralized.

But difficult feedback situations can end positively. You can take control of even the most unpleasant, awkward feedback situations by following the basic steps. You will want to review those steps when you face situations such as:

• Redirecting a teammate whose performance problems are compounded by personal problems, such as a recent divorce or financial difficulties.
• Redirecting teammates with difficult personalities.
• Redirecting a coworker whose work habits disturb you.
• Receiving redirection from someone who uses such broad generalities that you can’t figure out what the issue is.

When Personal Problems Affect Performance
It may be awkward to redirect a teammate whom you know is having personal problems, but accepting poor performance doesn’t help that teammate or your organization. Because your feedback recipient is under stress, be prepared for some atypical responses, such as crying or blaming. Emphasize that you are not trying to create more stress for your recipient; you only want to help that person perform his or her job. Although you and other team members should not take on too much of your feedback recipient’s workload, you can discuss ways you and the team can help resolve the problem when you create the action plan:

How Styles Affect Feedback
Most of us give and receive feedback in a manner consistent with our dominant communication style. Review the preferred manner for giving and receiving feedback for each of the four styles, paying particular attention to your own style.

Understanding the Communication Styles of Others
Knowing and understanding your preferred communication style is important because in order to fully appreciate others’ styles, you must first appreciate your own. You will want to be conscious of your own communication preferences when giving and receiving feedback from others. But your primary focus needs to be on what you believe the other person’s preferences are.

Step 1—Describe the behavior or performance you want to redirect.

Manager: Jared, several clients have indicated that you haven’t returned their voice mail messages. We really put a priority on returning calls. Is something keeping you from doing this?

Step 2—Listen to your recipient’s reaction.

Jared: I’ve been finding it difficult to focus because I’m getting a divorce and our child custody hearing is next week. I just don’t see how you can expect me to concentrate until this is all over.

Step 3—Explain the negative effect of your recipient’s actions.

Manager: Our company prides itself on returning client calls within 24 hours. When you don’t return calls within that time frame, your calls end up on a list for redistribution to other team members. Several of them have complained about the length of the redistribution list. This not only has a negative effect on morale, but it also weakens our service to our clients. I really think we have a problem here. Do you?

Step 4—Help your recipient acknowledge that a problem exists and take responsibility for it.

Jared: I would think you could be a little more understanding at a time like this. I promise you as soon as this whole mess is over, I’ll be on top of things again.

Obviously, the feedback recipient is not ready to acknowledge, or does not yet understand, that a problem exists and he has responsibility for correcting it. At this point, the person giving the feedback needs to point out the consequences of allowing the problem to continue.

Manager: Everybody on your team is already working at top capacity, and it’s unfair to ask them to carry part of your responsibility. We need you to return all of your own client calls within 24 hours starting today, or I’ll have to take disciplinary action.
Jared: Could this affect my pay increase that’s scheduled to begin next month?
Manager: Yes it could. Do you agree that we have a problem?
Jared: Well, yes, I guess we do have a problem. I need that additional money to cover child support.

Step 5—Develop a plan for future action.

Manager: All right then, I’d suggest that starting today you keep up with all clientcalls and return all of them within 24 hours.

Step 6—Thank your feedback recipient.

Manager: Thank you, Jared. I realize that you’re dealing with a lot right now, which makes it all the more important to maintain a good performance record at work.

When Personalities Clash
We’ve all met people with difficult personalities. Some seem to become angry at the slightest provocation. They get away with a lot because no one wants to say or do anything that will set them off. Others appear to have no reaction whatsoever. You may find yourself wondering if they've heard a thing you’ve said.

People like these can be a challenge to work with in the best of circumstances; if you have had unpleasant interactions with them in the past, you may be especially reluctant to give them redirection. But remember, following the basic steps can help you reach even the most difficult personality.

It can be especially challenging to redirect a noncommunicative person who finds it difficult to engage in dialogue. Your goal is to get the person to admit that a problem exists and take an active role in developing the action plan to solve it. Once you’ve described the problem, you may need to wait a while for this person’s reaction (Step 2). Be patient. Let the other person see that you will not leave without some type of response:

“So, do you understand what the situation is?”
“Yes, I guess so.”
“How would you describe it, then? In your own words—“

Once you are satisfied that a noncommunicative person truly understands the nature of the problem and acknowledges responsibility for it (Step 4), you can begin to involve him or her in developing an action plan for its solution (Step 5). Again, you will have to be patient and ask questions to be sure the individual understands exactly what steps he or she should take to improve behavior or performance.

On the opposite end of the communication spectrum, people who habitually overreact may cry, yell, or become defensive in response to your redirection. Don’t let them use this behavior to take control of the situation. Remain calm and continue to focus on the steps until they acknowledge their role in the problem, even if a recipient’s reaction attacks you personally:

“You’ve had it in for me ever since I joined this company. This is just another of your attempts to get rid of me.”
“We’re talking about specific behaviors you demonstrate when working with other team members, not about whether anyone is out to get you. When you miss key deadlines, don’t answer your E-mail, and interrupt others during meetings, you make it difficult for the teams you are part of to meet their goals. Do you understand why others perceive you as being uncooperative?”

When a Coworker’s Personal Habits Affect Your Work
It may seem trivial, but sometimes people’s work habits and personal grooming can affect others in their work environment. Some of the most common problems of this type involve:

• Loud gum chewing
• Dirty coffee mugs left in others’ offices or common areas
• Bad breath, body odor, or strong perfume
• Incessant personal phone calls
• Sloppy or inappropriate dress

One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do is to tell another person that his or her body odor or perfume is overpowering. However, you may need to provide this very personal kind of feedback if the problem is affecting your ability to do your job. Remember that you are doing the other person, yourself, and everyone else in the work area a favor, although it will be difficult to keep that in perspective at the time.

Don’t feel the need to develop this type of redirection to the same extent that you do others. You do not need to get your feedback recipient to acknowledge responsibility for the problem or develop an action plan. Simply state your feedback in the most polite way you can and allow the other person to deal with it privately:

“I really like your perfume, but because we have to work together so closely, there are days when it gets a little strong for me. I’ve been wondering if you could wear a little less of it.”

Because these problems are so personal, you should present this type of redirection in a private setting where your conversation cannot be overheard. Some feedback recipients may become defensive or display hurt feelings; others will want to talk about the problem. Every situation is different—just try to approach each sensitively. You might ask yourself if the feedback recipient would feel more comfortable if he or she received this information from someone of the same sex. You should also present this type of feedback as your own reaction. Don’t say something like “everybody’s been complaining.” This will only make your feedback recipient feel that he or she has been the focus of office jokes.

When You Receive Overly General Redirection
It’s difficult to remember that all feedback can be valuable when you receive redirection that is vague and unfocused. But remember, no matter how badly a feedback situation starts out, you can derive some benefit from it by asking the right questions, as these members of a retail sales team discover in a meeting with their manager:

Manager: Your performance last weekend was terrible. I wish I could apologize to every customer who came in this store. I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to headquarters.
Associate 1: Excuse me. I can see you’re upset, but could you please explain what exactly you’re upset about?
Manager: What do you mean, what am I upset about? Saturday was terrible.
Associate 2: But what was terrible about it? Were our sales figures down?
Manager: No, they were better than average.
Associate 3: Did our shelf stock run low?
Manager: No, that was fine. It was the lines.
Associate 3: You mean our register lines? I thought those ran smoothly.
Manager: Smoothly! You had lines of customers strung across the store during the noon hour.
Associate 1: I’m sorry. We got our lunch breaks confused and were shorthanded for a little while.
Manager: Well, why don’t you post a sign-up sheet so that you can see who goes when?
Associate 2: That’s a very good idea. We’ll do that today.

Taking Control of the Situation
These are just a few of the difficult feedback situations you might encounter on the job—you have probably encountered many others! But remember, no matter how awkward or unpleasant a feedback situation may appear at first, you can take control and turn it into something positive.

Pamela Lizardi was appointed as the Training & Staff Development Administrator for the Trial Courts of Maricopa County in July 2003 after serving as the Training Coordinator for Maricopa County Limited Jurisdiction Courts since March 2002. Pam has spent over 22 years in the United States Army in various positions both in the active service and the National Guard. Pam has written numerous training programs, most significantly is Improving One-on-One Training. Pam has a successful 19 year training background. Recently she completed her Masters in Education with Ottawa University, graduating Suma Cum Laude with a 4.0 GPA. She received a Bachelor of Science in Business Management from the University of Phoenix. Pam is also adjunct faculty with Mesa Community College in the Judicial Studies program. She holds certificates from Arizona Dept. of Education in teaching Career & Technical Education, Business & Marketing, Adult Education, and Secondary Education in History & Business. Pam continues her to learn with two organizations, National Association of State Judicial Educators and the American Society of Training and Development, along with additional college classes.

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